Posts Tagged ‘ricky stanzi’

top 10 things to look forward to: week 8

October 22, 2010

10. Penn State v. Minnesota

 

the gopher making fun of a penn state player for praying before the game. awesome.

If Penn State can’t beat Minnesota, then all hope is lost.

 

9. Michigan on the bye

This emergency bye weekend (they were supposed to play but choose to eat Ben & Jerry’s and watch Lifetime, wondering where things went wrong instead) will give Michigan a bit of time f0r 1) D. Rob’s shoulder to recover, 2) look at these pictures, and 3) Put out a want ad for defensive line players.

8. Purdue v. no. 10 Ohio State

Crossing my fingers for a repeat of last year.

 

7. no. 7 Michigan State v. Northwestern

If there is one team that sucks in all categories except upsetting undefeated teams, it’s Northwestern. Maybe if they beat MSU this week, the craving for the taste of blood will subside by the time Iowa gets to Evanston.

6. Heisman Watch

tom brady? justin bieber? ricky????

Anddd it’s official! Ricky Stanzi is the Big Ten’s and America’s no. 1 prospect for the Heisman! He’s no. 3 in the nation for passing efficiency, only thrown 2 interceptions, and is miles away from the mistake-filled 2009 season.

 

5. no. 1 Oklahoma v. no. 11 Missouri

There are three games that put top 25 v. top 25 and none of those games should disappoint. I’m going with Oklahoma on this one, even though I love the Midwest AND brunch was invented in Missouri. I just don’t understand the whole concept of “Mizzou” being easier to spell/say than Missoui and they stole Iowa’s colors. Soon, they’ll steal our uniforms which we already stole from the Steelers.

 

4. no. 6 LSU v. no. 4 Auburn

This game will decide who has a shot at the National Championship. Both teams will be playing the best they have all season (hopefully) and not using any illegal means (chloroform, brass knuckles) to win.

 

3. no. 13 Wisconsin v. no. 15 Iowa

The Wisconsin game is one I look forward to all season, so it sucks that after this year the two teams won’t be able to meet as frequently.  Wisconsin has just come off a great win knocking Ohio State out of the no. 1 position at Camp Randall. The Red Communists Badgers are notorious for doing well at their home stadium (and no so much on the road) and Camp Randall is one of the hardest stadiums to play in. Probably from all of the jumping. And the penny throwing. And that the student sections yell “F*** YOU” and “EAT SH*T” at each other–not at Iowa fans (I’ve never figured out why). But this time, Wisconsin is coming to Iowa City, Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. No jumping is tolerated and yelling curse words is not encouraged. But tailgating is, so Wisconsin fans will fit right in.

2. I can wear my favorite shirt

if she turned around, you would see that her shirt supports wisconsin

It says, “Wisconsin Girls Have Cottage Cheese Thighs”. I hate cheese.

 

1. Family Weekend

how the dance floor will look at It's The Union Bar and Grill this weekend

My BF’s family is coming into town. He’s from Milwaukee. They are all Badger fans, except his parents are slowing converting. His sisters are a 25-year-old lawyer and a 28-year-old ESL teacher. They like to get drunk and mean as rattlesnakes and take vodka shots at 8am.

top 10 things i hope ricky stanzi did with his hair over the bye

October 12, 2010

This season, Ricky Stanzi has been sporting some hair quite different from the last. Maybe he grew it out because he loves Justin Bieber (I mean, he’s on Team Edward) or he’s really trying to live up to the Tom Brady comparisons (and Brady definitely loves the Biebs). Either way, I’m not exactly a fan of it and I think his hair has much greater potential. So here are the ten hairstyles I’d like to see him sporting come this Saturday in Ann Arbor.

10. Sayid

Easily the most awesome, badass character on Lost.

9. Friar Tuck

Iowa can win with God on their side

8. Drago

7. Joakim Noah

Then maybe he can get his own Head and Shoulders commercial

6. David Villa

Chicks dig the sensitive, foreign, brooding type. Soul patches are making a comeback.

5. The Lion Cut

Lions are intimidating, right?

4. Zac Efron

Similar to the Bieber, but a little more grown up

3. Hulk Hogan

It screams AMERICA

2. The Situation

Those Jersey Shore kids are everywhere these days.

1. Zach Galifianakis

The beard says, “I’m manly and should be taken seriously,” while the sunglasses say, “But I still like to party.”

ten thoughts on iowa’s first loss

September 20, 2010

I’ll admit, I may have cried. A lot.

10. It’s all my fault.

yes it is, Kelly

I was sitting at the bar when the first two Arizona touchdowns were scored. So I switched and sat at the table, and we were okay. Then Arizona scored again, so I had to stand. While behind the bar getting some water, Iowa scored. So I stood behind the bar. Then I yelled, “Stanzi turns tricks in the second half!” and he did! Then I sat down… and Arizona scored the last touchdown. IT’S ALL MY FAULT. I should have stayed standing behind the bar. The bartender didn’t really like that idea, even though it was the bar I work at.

UPDATE: It IS my fault! http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2010/9/23/1705390/what-do-we-need-to-do-differently-for-ball-state

9. My friend/co-worker Kelsey on Marvin McNutt–


  • He must have magnets in his fingers channeling the football.
  • How do people even run that fast?
  • I once told him he looks like Otis Redding. He told me people usually tell him he looks like Stephan, Steve Urkel’s suave alter ego.
  • His butt looks good in those pants

8. The national championship

Eff Tim Tebow. Florida should be ashamed.

So, the BCS National Championship might be out of our hands, and that blows. But it’s not the end of the world. A lot of people are freaking out like this is the end of the season and there is no way we can comeback. If anything, the Hawkeyes are the king of the underdogs. For instance, last year when Stanzi was hurt and little baby Vandenburg had to start against OHIO STATE, he blew everyone’s expectations away. He’s a child prodigy. We (yes, I’m on the team) still have a chance at the Big Ten Championship, assuming that Ohio State thinks we’ll be a breeze to beat and shows up stoned. Just kiddingggg.

7. Offensive Line

ouch.

There is no reason for FOUR SACKS IN A ROW to happen. Not at all. Arizona is 3rd in overall defense, while the Hawks are 9th. Iowa State and Eastern Illinois are probably ranks 154th and 936th in defense and weren’t a good test of what the Hawkeye O-Line can actually do. Hopefully, they learned a little something from this past game and can improve upon it before the Ball State game this weekend.

6. Second Half Magic

Iowa Magic Juice. Makes mysterious things happen.

Magic is about the only way you could describe what happens in the second half. Either Ferentz sprinkles pixie dust on the players during half time or Redbull really does give people wings but whatever it is, it works. There hasn’t been much of a chance to see it this season yet, but we got just a taste of it during the last game when Iowa went into the second half trailing 27-7 and tied it up. Until I jinxed it by sitting down at a booth. By golly if I have to stand up for every game, I’ll do it.

5. Special Teams


Blocked punt for one touchdown. Giving up a kick-off return for another. A blocked crucial extra-point kick. And that’s not what Iowa did to Arizona, but its what you’d expect to happen. Iowa’s special teams was severely unprepared and just “off” that night. They need to be better than that, but they already know that. Unacceptable.

4. Kelsey’s thoughts on Adrian Clayborn

clayborn smash.

  • He’s like a giant tree I want to climb.
  • How many people do you think he could have sex with at once?
  • 12. Probably 12.
  • If he doesn’t win the Heisman I’m going to shoot myself.
  • His butt looks good in those pants.

3. Jewel Hampton

NOOOO NOT AGAIN

2. “West Coast Curse”


There is no such thing. I don’t think the Pacific Time Zone curses everything Iowa does. It wasn’t the 9:30pm CST start time, because the team has been practicing at 10pm for the past week. If anything, it was the 95-100 degree weather. That is not football weather. 45-50 degrees is football weather. Midwesterners do not thrive in dry heat.

1. Can we get past this?

It's no coincidence Wu-Tang's colors were black and gold.

Hell yes. Kirk Ferentz ain’t nothing to f*** with.

top 10 iowa players i want by my side during a zombie apocalypse

September 7, 2010

I’ll just right to the chase: there are some gigantic, scary, oversized, straight-up Predator-in-tight-pants looking guys on that field and I am completely terrified of 100% of them. My entire body could be crushed just by accidentally looking at them in the eye. But if it were to come down to it, pair up with one of these guys are become zombie food, these are the ten guys I would want wielding machine guns and witty one-liners by my side.

10. Ryan Donahue

Everyone knows the two ways to kill a zombie: through the heart or separating its head from its body. One swift kick from Donahue would not only work better a machete (even if Billy Mays claimed it was the sharpest one in the world) but the freshly beheaded zombie would fall backwards with such force that it would behead others in a 10-yard radius.

the face of terror

9. James Vandenburg

He’s already faced the terror that is Ohio State defense in his first ever starting role. Facing zombies? Peace of cake.

8. Marvin McNutt

He’ll catch the zombie heads as quickly and as cleanly as Donahue kicks them.

7-5. Karl Klug/Broderick Binns/Christian Ballard

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

4. Paki O’Meara

Although not slated to do much this season, O’Meara proved to everyone in this last game that he is a force to be reckoned with. Anyone that goes from under the radar to Big Ten player of the week that quickly should catch on to zombie killing just as fast.

3. Ricky Stanzi

I’d follow Iowa’s faithful leader almost anywhere (maybe even the strange townie bar he’s in now) and a zombie revolution is one of them. Granted, it won’t be the safest, routine ride. He’ll have a lot of close calls with the undead, maybe they’ll catch a few of the grenades he throws and try to pitch ’em right back. But if you like living on the edge, this is the guy to follow.

And he'll be patriotic the whole time.

2. Josh Koeppel

Anyone that can bounce back from an accident like that must be invincible

1. Adrian Clayborn

This is a man that shows no mercy to his opponents. He incites fear in every man, woman, baby, and animal, dead or alive. When it comes down to it, I trust him more than Carl Weathers and Terry Crews combined.

And two people I would not trust:

I don’t think I need to explain.

introductions

August 30, 2010

T -5 days until the first kick off of Iowa Hawkeye football. I hope my derogatory new tailgating shirts come in time.

My name is Kelly and I’ll be writing all about Big Ten Football this season, but only in the form of Top Ten lists. I myself can’t stand reading paragraph after paragraph after novel of online content (my eyes aren’t as young as they used to be), so the lists are solely for my own benefit. But I hope someone else enjoys them too.

ps:

get this shirt here: http://www.hawktees.bigcartel.com/