top more than 10 instances of ricky stanzi being awesomely patriotic

October 3, 2010

“If you don’t love it, leave it. USA #1”

This was taken Halloween before the Orange Bowl, proving that Stanzi has always been a freedom lover.

and wearing the same shirt right after the Hawkeyes dominated Georgia Tech

“I don’t know what feels worse than an interception. Probably someone burning an American flag would hurt a little more, inside, than an interception. I don’t know man, that’d be pretty bad.”


top 10 things to look forward to: week 5

October 1, 2010

10. DJK has been shut up

Finally after weeks of wondering where DJK’s delightfully inspiring comments went, we have closure. Kirk Ferentz ordered him to shut up and focus on playing and he can talk to the press in January. But he can still Twitter, so I’m about to go look him up @DJKOULIANOS (notice the caps lock)….

His Twitter is gone ūüė¶
9. Start of conference play

the best poster i've ever laid eyes on

This week will be a good test of which Big Ten teams will come out on top with Wisconsin v. Michigan State, Michigan v. Indiana, and Iowa v. Penn State

8. no. 11 Wisconsin v. no. 24 Michigan State

I don’t really care which team wins. I like Wisconsin better than Michigan State, but Wisconsin is ranked ahead of Iowa. Also, my Facebook is being harassed by my friends residing in Madison… so maybe I want Wisconsin to lose.
7. Return of Mark Dantonio

He’s back! And healthy! But staying in the pressbox just in case.
6. no. 2 Ohio State v. Illinois

what the hell is this?

Hopefully Illinois can pull a Purdue like last year and make OSU weep.
5. Homecoming Parade

Its not particulary exciting, but its different from everyday Iowa City. Some of the floats are awesome, and some of them are…not. Some are just a wooden plank (TKE from two years ago…)
4. One Week Closer to Jackass 3D

I’m transforming more and more into a 13-year-old boy as the days count down.
3. Another episode of Boardwalk Empire

If you haven’t seen this show yet, you better. It’s the bee’s knees. Also, Michael Pitt is in it, looking creepy as always.
2. no. 17 Iowa v. no. 22 Penn State

I think that’s all I have to say.

1. Return of the night game

I enjoy a good night game from time to time, what can I say? I’m not exactly a morning person. But after what happened in Arizona, I’m no longer a fan of football after dark. Thank goodness the game is in Kinnick this time.

top 10 big ten alumni you probably should have drafted for your fantasy team

September 30, 2010

10. Shonn Greene; Iowa
Current Team:
RB New York Jets
Current Ranking:
#24 overall; #14 in RBs

he's a sassy one

While he hasn’t had the best start in the 2010 season, (RB LaDainian Tomlinson has been outperforming him the last few weeks) there is still plenty of time for Greene to prove his worth and why he got drafted in the first place. He’s been improving since a not-so-good week 1 to an overall-ranked 24.

9. Rashard Mendenhall; Illinois
Current Team:
RB Pittsburgh Steelers
Current Ranking:
#19 overall, #15 in RBs

what he does best

Mendenhall has already racked up two 100-yard games by the end of week 3, bringing his total yards up to 332. Overall, he should have an impressive year ahead of him, despite coming from University of Illinois which has literally dropped off the map football-wise.
8. Beanie Wells; Ohio State
Current Team:
RB Arizona Cardinals
Current Ranking:
#59 overall, #17 in RBs

Wells twisted his knee in the week 3 win against Oakland, but should still be able to play this week at San Diego. He was able to carry an average of 5.5 yds-per-rush against Oakland and should be just as impressive throughout the rest of the season.
7. Brandon Graham; Michigan
Current Team:
DE Philadelphia Eagles
Current Ranking:
#205 overall

the happiest man in football

Although he’s only made one NFL appearance so far, he manages to get an impressive two tackles and one sack against the Detroit Lions in week 2.
6. Bryan Bulaga; Iowa
Current Team:
T Green Bay Packers
Current Ranking:

i cried from excitement the first time i saw him on the field

He has only made a few appearances on the field this season, but there is a reason that Green Bay drafted him in the first round. He has great potential, is surprising fast for being a giant sequoia tree in his spare time (6’5″ 315lbs…literally three of me), and is a great addition to the Packers’ already amazing O-Line.

5. Dallas Clarke; Iowa
Current Team:
TE Indianapolis Colts
Current Ranking:
#40 overall, #1 in TEs

i could do without the creepy facial hair

No duhhh that Clarke is doing well. He’s Dallas Clarke. He’s averaging a healthy 10yds-per-carry and has a total of 11 first downs in the first three games. Can’t get much better than that.

4. Drew Brees; New Orleans Saints, Purdue
Current Team:
QB New Orleans Saints
Current Rankings:
#7 overall, #4 in QBs

his secret? olive oil, apparently

Coming off from winning the Superbowl against Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts, Brees is on top of the world. He’s been improving week after week (if that’s even possible) and although he’ll likely be in a knee brace this Sunday, it shouldn’t slow him down. He’s averaged 385yds against the Carolina Panthers, the team the Saints is slated to play this weekend.

3. Tom Brady; Michigan
Current Team:
QB New England Patriots
Current Ranking: #17 overall, #3 in QBs

please. cut. your. hair.

Brady has already thrown 8 TD passes and only 2 interceptions so far this season with an average of about 270 throwing yards per game. He’s thrown over 300yds against Miami the last two meetings and hopes to do it again this weekend.
2. Pierre Thomas; Illinois
Current Team:
RB New Orleans Saints
Current Ranking: #31 overall, #8 in RBs

Thomas missed two practices in a row due to an knee injury, but still might play this Sunday. If he stays healthy, he’ll probably move up the RB rankings after this next game, especially because fellow RB Reggie Bush is set to be out for another three weeks with a fibula fracture.
1. Tony Moeaki; Iowa
Current Team:
TE Kansas City Chiefs
Current Ranking: Not in top 200

Yes, Tony Moeaki is not ranked yet. But that one handed catch last week speaks for itself. He’s just a baby out of college and already has some impressive things under his belt, and its obvious that Chiefs’ QB Matt Cassel has a lot of faith in him. Expect some awesome things from him in the future. Also, he’s from Wheaton, IL, where I worked at Jamba Juice for three years in high school. Hometown represent.

* all information from

top 10 things to look forward to: week 4

September 24, 2010

10. Boise State v.  Oregon State

But I can’t watch the game. That blue field makes me want to vomit.
9. Alabama v. Arkansas

If Arkansas can rally and beat no. 1 Alabama, it would be monumental. Alabama has been on top for a long time and there aren’t any signs of them stopping
8. Penn State v. Temple

go temple!

I was reading Adam Rittenburg’s blog and some guy wrote in completely bashing his prediction that Temple will get 13 points. I hope to God that happens.

7. Saturday Breakfast

Can I just reiterate how much I love breakfast? And since the game is back to its normal time, 11:00am, I can eat all I want while I watch the Hawkeyes.

6. Homecoming Week

Homecoming Week kicks off Sunday and while there are TONS of free, fun events happening, it’s basically just a countdown until the Saturday football game. Plus, Kinnick will be attempting a huge task–trying to color coordinate the stadium sections. Even sections are gold and odd sections as well as the student section are black. We’ll see how that turns out.
5. Eastbound & Down Premiere

I’ve gone months without staring at Kenny Powers’ luxurious mullet, and his constant Facebook updates (yes, we are Facebook official friends) are taunting me. He ditched the love of his life, April, at a gas station last season and I really need to know what happens next. That, and The Office has been pretty boring the last few seasons and I need a new show to watch.
4. Wisconsin and Ohio State

Just hoping they will both lose. That’s all. I have lots of friends that go to Wisconsin and they can’t keep their cheese filled mouths shut about being 3-0.
3. Monday Night Football

proper beard execution

Packers v. Bears! Although I grew up in the Chicago Suburbs and was a huge Bears fan growing up, I kinda gave up on them years ago. And I just can’t find the heart to take them back. Nor am I a Packers fan, but Aaron Rodgers is my MAN. Not to mention he has a great beard.
2. Iowa v. Ball State

From the looks of it, Iowa is still hungover (in both uses of the term) from the Arizona upset this past weekend. Iowa needs a great comeback to not only prove to everyone else that they still got it, but to prove it to themselves too.
1. My Birthday!

Well yes, in my opinion she's old as hell

Tuesday is my 22nd birthday. I’m going to be so old. Older than Derrick Rose and Miley Cyrus.

top 10 reasons the big ten is the best conference in the world

September 21, 2010

Not like we needed any.
10. Tim Tebow

I have no idea how I find these pictures.

Tim Tebow did not play for a Big Ten team. +1 points automatically for that.
9. True Stereotypes

Yes, Big Ten schools are located in farm towns where people have nothing to do except drink jungle juice. Yes, girls here are all “farmer’s daughters” types (well, some of them). And yes, our 100% corn diet and insanely cold winters make us better at all things football. Like the fact that we CAN play in 40 degree weather.

Side note: they should hold BCS bowl games at Kinnick in January.

8. False Stereotypes

Hi, I'm Brandon Wegher and I like screwing over people that have been nothing but good to me.

So it might have been the case in the past that Big Ten running backs were 6’3″, 240 pounds and slow as our lifestyle (another false one). Most teams have dropped this type of game, recruiting faster, more agile players wherever needed, and even using more than one running back in some cases.

Another side note: Eff you Brandon Wegher. You are obviously un-American freedom hater. I now know what it must have felt like when Brett Favre went to the Vikings.
7. Princeton Review

The Princeton Review is the Bible of Colleges. They rank them from the silliest things, like Best Classroom Experience and Best College Library, to important things like Party Schools and Students Pack the Stadiums. So lets take a look at the two important categories:

Party Schools:

Big Ten: Penn State, Iowa, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan State
SEC: Georgia, Florida, Mississippi
ACC: Florida State, Maryland
Big East: West Virginia
PAC-10: Zero!
Big 12: Texas, Colorado (moving to Pac-10 next season)

Students Pack the Stadiums:

Big Ten: Penn State, Michigan, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan State
SEC:  Florida, Alabama, Georgia
ACC:  Maryland, Boston, Virgina Tech
Big East: West Virginia
Pac-10: USC
Big 12:  Texas, Texas A&M, Nebraska (moving to Big Ten next season)

As you can see, the Big Ten dominates.

6. America’s Heartland


It started off as a stupid question from a reporter to Ricky Stanzi. How being from “America’s Heartland” made the win better turned into “If you don’t love it, leave it” turned into an awe-inspiring “U-S-A” chant at every Iowa football game. And during today’s SportsNation.
5. We aren’t wishy-washy

He doesn't have any original body parts left though

You don’t see JoePa retiring then unretiring because of health reasons (Brett Favre/Urban Meyer). AND HE’S 105 YEARS OLD!

4. Lets look at the rankings

I have no idea what this means

Andd this week’s AP Top 25:

Big Ten: Ohio State, Wisconsin, Iowa, Penn State, Michigan, Michigan State
SEC: Alabama, Florida, Arkansas, South Carolina, LSU
ACC: Miami
Big East: West Virginia
Pac-10: Oregon, Arizona, USC, Oregon State
Big 12: Texas, Oklahoma, Nebraska (moving to Big Ten next season)

The Big Ten has more top 25 teams than the SEC. Just saying.
3. Defense focused

*photo has been altered

Defense wins games. Duh.

2. Coasties

"I'm not sheltered, I just don't know how to make a sandwich. Or where Washington state is. Or Florida. Those places aren't even in the US."

Only people from the Milwaukee/Madison area might know that term, but it refers to people from the coasts (east or west). Recently, a plethora of them have been migrating to the Midwest for college and have not had quite a warm welcome. I’ve heard stories from friends that go to Wisconsin and Indiana about girls who can’t locate Iowa on a map and think Washington DC is in Florida.

No one in the Midwest is that dumb.

Also, coastie (the way Madison uses it) is also a term for girls from the Chicago Suburbs who think act like they are from the coast. According to Wikipedia and this picture, I am one. But I’m not dumb despite what my boyfriend might say.

I am wearing this exact outfit, actually.

1. Midwest in general

I would slap someone for some Eggs Benedict.

I could literally go on for days about how the Midwest is better than other place in the United States, and therefore Big Ten football is better. First of all, we are genuinely nice people. Servers ask how your day is (and mean it), and everyone says “please” and “thank you”. We don’t have stupid Boston accents. We don’t eat crazy vegan diets and obsess over plastic surgery like the West Coast. And we don’t screw people over just to climb the corporate ladder like New Yorkers. Our parents fill us up with meat and potatoes, make us play outside and get dirty, and get pissed when we don’t take our hats or sunglasses off inside. And it shows in football too. We all know that scene in Remember the Titans when Sunshine comes in from California and he’s basically an alien princess boy to these guys (yes, that movie is in Virginia. But you get the point).

Not to mention we have: beer, sauerkraut, bratwurst, Italian sausage and beef, deep dish pizza, Friday Fish Fry, Everclear (yay corn!), pot pies, pot roast, cheese, apple pie, and most importantly…BRUNCH. Midwest invented brunch. The whole world should be thankful.

ten thoughts on iowa’s first loss

September 20, 2010

I’ll admit, I may have cried. A lot.

10. It’s all my fault.

yes it is, Kelly

I was sitting at the bar when the first two Arizona touchdowns were scored. So I switched and sat at the table, and we were okay. Then Arizona scored again, so I had to stand. While behind the bar getting some water, Iowa scored. So I stood behind the bar. Then I yelled, “Stanzi turns tricks in the second half!” and he did! Then I sat down… and Arizona scored the last touchdown. IT’S ALL MY FAULT. I should have stayed standing behind the bar. The bartender didn’t really like that idea, even though it was the bar I work at.

UPDATE: It IS my fault!

9. My friend/co-worker Kelsey on Marvin McNutt–

  • He must have magnets in his fingers channeling the football.
  • How do people even run that fast?
  • I once told him he looks like Otis Redding. He told me people usually tell him he looks like Stephan, Steve Urkel’s suave alter ego.
  • His butt looks good in those pants

8. The national championship

Eff Tim Tebow. Florida should be ashamed.

So, the BCS National Championship might be out of our hands, and that blows. But it’s not the end of the world. A lot of people are freaking out like this is the end of the season and there is no way we can comeback. If anything, the Hawkeyes are the king of the underdogs. For instance, last year when Stanzi was hurt and little baby Vandenburg had to start against OHIO STATE, he blew everyone’s expectations away. He’s a child prodigy. We (yes, I’m on the team) still have a chance at the Big Ten Championship, assuming that Ohio State thinks we’ll be a breeze to beat and shows up stoned. Just kiddingggg.

7. Offensive Line


There is no reason for FOUR SACKS IN A ROW to happen. Not at all. Arizona is 3rd in overall defense, while the Hawks are 9th. Iowa State and Eastern Illinois are probably ranks 154th and 936th in defense and weren’t a good test of what the Hawkeye O-Line can actually do. Hopefully, they learned a little something from this past game and can improve upon it before the Ball State game this weekend.

6. Second Half Magic

Iowa Magic Juice. Makes mysterious things happen.

Magic is about the only way you could describe what happens in the second half. Either Ferentz sprinkles pixie dust on the players during half time or Redbull really does give people wings but whatever it is, it works. There hasn’t been much of a chance to see it this season yet, but we got just a taste of it during the last game when Iowa went into the second half trailing 27-7 and tied it up. Until I jinxed it by sitting down at a booth. By golly if I have to stand up for every game, I’ll do it.

5. Special Teams

Blocked punt for one touchdown. Giving up a kick-off return for another. A blocked crucial extra-point kick. And that’s not what Iowa did to Arizona, but its what you’d expect to happen. Iowa’s special teams was severely unprepared and just “off” that night. They need to be better than that, but they already know that. Unacceptable.

4. Kelsey’s thoughts on Adrian Clayborn

clayborn smash.

  • He’s like a giant tree I want to climb.
  • How many people do you think he could have sex with at once?
  • 12. Probably 12.
  • If he doesn’t win the Heisman I’m going to shoot myself.
  • His butt looks good in those pants.

3. Jewel Hampton


2. “West Coast Curse”

There is no such thing. I don’t think the Pacific Time Zone curses everything Iowa does. It wasn’t the 9:30pm CST start time, because the team has been practicing at 10pm for the past week. If anything, it was the 95-100 degree weather. That is not football weather. 45-50 degrees is football weather. Midwesterners do not thrive in dry heat.

1. Can we get past this?

It's no coincidence Wu-Tang's colors were black and gold.

Hell yes. Kirk Ferentz ain’t nothing to f*** with.

top 10 ….interesting traditions in the big ten

September 17, 2010

Obviously, there are more than 10 awesome traditions happening in the Big Ten. Iowa is known for it’s tailgating, Wisconsin is known for the students’ BAC level, and Ohio State and Michigan have one of the most bitter rivalries in football. Not wanting to list the obvious, I did a bit of hunting to bring you the top 10 most interesting (for lack of a better word) traditions around the Big Ten.


10. Floyd of Rosedale

Little Floydy is a bronzed pig that that Iowa and Minnesota fight to keep during the last football game of every season.

History: Minnesota was accused of using rough and dangerous play during their 1935 meeting with Iowa. Iowa’s then-quaterback, Ozzie Simmons, had multiple bruised ribs and claimed Minnesota was kneeing him at any given point trying to hurt him. The next game was to be played in Iowa City, when the governor at the time threatened that if the officials stood for the dirty tactics, the crowd sure wouldn’t.

Minnesota’s attorney general responded with, “Your remark that the crowd at the Iowa-Minnesota game will not stand for any rough tactics is calculated to incite a riot. It is a breach of your duty as governor, and evidences an unsportsmanlike, cowardly and contemptible frame of mind.‚ÄĚ

Fighting words!! Luckily, Minnesota’s governor has a since of humor, and suggested they bet one Minnesota prized hog against one Iowa prized hog. Deal on. Minnesota ending up winning, thus Floyd the pig, from Rosedale Farms, was given to the Gophers. Since then, a bronze statue replica was made and both teams have carried on the tradition.

9. Iowa’s Pink Locker Room

These lovely pink cubbies are where the visiting football team has the luxury of hanging their things when they come to Iowa.

History: The pink locker room is the brainchild of legendary Iowa coach Hayden Fry. Fry was a psychology major in college and claimed that pink had a calming effect on people, and therefore had the locker room painted pink. Mostly, he probably just wanted to psych people out.

In 2004 when Kinnick Stadium was renovated, pink toilets, showers, and lockers were installed to match the pink walls. It caused a eff-ton of controversy and a few protests. People claimed that it reinforced stereotypes that women and homosexuals are “weak”. Well, the general public was like “Uhh whatever, it’s funny”, so it stayed.


8. Jim Tressel’s Sweater Vest


"Heeyahhh!" Howard Dean style

History: A page from Jim Tressel’s autobiography, due out this Spring.

I don’t know quite what to say right here, I don’t remember much about myself. I ate the brown acid back at Woodstock and I haven’t been the same since. I still have a few more nasty drug addictions to go through, a divorce or two to fight out, two bankruptcies and an arrest for indecent exposure.

I was born in the harsh desert climate of Van Nuys, California, in 1889 where I was abandoned and taken in by a pack of hungry native coyotes. Their first intention was to eat me, but the leader of the pack saw in me the potential to be a great hunter. By age 11, I was impressing the pack and local wildlife photographers with advanced carpentry skills. I built elaborate shelters for my family out of sand and dead scorpions. At age 15, while running away from a young coyote gentlemen who thought I was in heat, I ran my head straight into Charlie Sheen’s leg. He took me in, taught me English and simple hygiene and sent me to school. Luckily, I was what some people call a “genius” and caught on quickly. Now I coach football at Ohio State University (have you ever heard of it?) with the unique skills I learned whilst living among the coyotes.

Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.


7. Little Brown Jug

this sucker cost 30 cents back then ($5677 now)

The Little Brown Jug Who Could is the coveted prize between Minnesota and Michigan. It’s one of the Big Ten oldest rivalries, and one that I had never heard of before.

History: In 1903, Michigan was totes dominating the entire Midwest. But little did they know, Minnesota was quietly crafting some sort of Frankenstein team in their little corner of the conference. The meeting between the two teams was highly anticipated that year, and the Michigan coach, Fielding Yost, was afraid of their water being contaminated (a logical thing to think, yes?). So they went to the store and bought a $0.30 water jug.

The game was a bit of an upset. Michigan scored six points in the first have, and Minnesota scored six in the second half. The fans got angry/antsy and stormed the field with two minutes left on the clock, forcing them to call a tie. Michigan went home….but forgot their precious water jug!

Michigan’s coach wrote and asked for it back, but Minnesota’s coach said, “Sucka, you gotta win it back, son”. So they did. And a rivalry was born.

6. Ohio State’s Dotting the I

Michigan was actually the first band to spell out Ohio in script form. But don’t tell Ohio State that. This was listed at the No. 1 college tradition ever of all time.

I don’t get it. I really don’t.

History: When Ohio State’s band started spelling out Ohio in pretty cursive, they had to have someone dot the i. Usually, it was a trumpet player, until one day, the band leader told a sousaphone player to switch with him. Thus, now a sousaphone player dots the i.

That’s the whole history.

I guess the spelling looks very straight and crisp and I doubt they have misspelled Ohio to date, but still. Any college level band should be able to stand in a straight line.

5. Iowa’s Herky

don't be fooled by that smile

Okay, so I didn’t think Herky was that big of a deal–Well, you caught me. His face is tattooed above my heart. But really, he’s just a mascot. Everyone has mascots (except Illinois, but I digress). It wasn’t until I read about lil’Herkz on a Top 100 college traditions list that things started to make sense. Turns out, he’s the most annoying mascot this side of the Mississippi. Hooray!

History: Herky, short for Hercules, was dreamed up by an Iowa journalism instructor in the 1940s. He didn’t appear on the field until 1959, and that’s when things got tricky. He raised hell and pissed off every official from the dangerous stunts and stupid pranks he would pull on other mascots. Herky was banned almost immediately.

That is, until 1962 when Larry Herb, a student in the Delta Tau Delta fraternity, brought him back to life in a kid-friendly, non-prank pulling way. That doesn’t mean that Herky should be messed with. In 1997, he threw a cup of waters into the face of a Minnesota drummer. The drummer tackled Herky, who preceded to punch him in the face and break his glasses (sweet).


4. Penn State’s White-out

i have nothing sarcastic to say about this.

Basically, Penn State’s White House is B.A.

History: The idea of the “white out” was started in 1987 when a Winnipeg hockey team urged fans to wear all white against the Calgary Flame’s “C of red”. Inspired by this, Oklahoma State started a “wear orange” day in 2003 that turned out to be a wild success.

Once again inspired, Penn State debuted a “White Out” in 2004 against Purdue. It went so well that they held one again the next week against Iowa. Now they hold one every year during night games and televised broadcasts.

Honestly, I don’t know how Iowa played last year in Beaver Stadium during a white out. For some reason, the color white seems more intimidating than any other color. Also, everyone has a white shirt. Everyone. Not everyone has a bright gold shirt they can wear to Gold Rush games at Iowa.


3. Paul Bunyan’s Ax

what a happy badger

Paul Bunyan’s ax is the trophy between Wisconsin and Minnesota, and is the oldest rivalry in the Big Ten.

History: The first game of the rivalry was back in 1890. There was no trophy then, but that didn’t mean the rivalry wasn’t bitter. In fact, the game was canceled in 1906 by President Roosevelt because of injury and deaths on fields all over the country. That’s how insanely heated the battle was.

in 1930, a traveling trophy deemed “a slab of bacon” with an M or W on it, depending on you turn it, as made. Whoever won it was referred to as “bringing home the bacon”. How clever. It was stolen in 1945, and thus, Paul Bunyan’s ax was created. Now, this effer is huge, taller than me. The handle is six feet long with the scores of every single game written down on it. In 2003, they ran out of space and a new ax was created for another century of game play.

2. Illinois’ Chief Illiniwek

Okay. So Chief Illiniwek, head of the Illini tribe–wait. There is no such thing as the Illini tribe. Because Illini is a completely made up word. It was made up by a student when naming the school newspaper, The Daily Illini. Therefore, Chief Illiniwek is a sham. Actually, the Illiniwek are a real tribe. In Oklahoma. Does that make sense?

Moving on.

Let’s pretend for a minute that we are Illinois fans and we enjoy spending our free time obsessing over the chief. And oops, he’s taken away in 2007 because he promotes the “hostile and abusive” stereotype of Native Americans. Also, the Peoria Tribe, the closest living descedents of the Illiniwek Tribe, basically called out the university for being ignorant. According to the ACTUAL chief of the Peoria Tribe, the costume Chief Illiniwek wears is Sioux. Good job on that one. The tribe even blessed the use of Chief Illiniwek until after five years of attempted contact, the university wouldn’t respond.

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that Chief Illiniwek is a stupid mascot and I don’t miss him. He didn’t even do anything cool. He pranced around doing a dance that can’t even be described as somewhat historically accurate. Now take Chief Osceola, the mascot for Florida State University. He was blessed by the Seminole Tribe in Florida, and was an actual chief of that tribe in the past. And he doesn’t dance. HE THROWS A FLAMING SPEAR WHILE RIDING A HORSE.

1. Wisconsin’s Jump Around

Seriously, this is one of the coolest things in the entire world. I saw this phenomenon happen with my own two eyes last year when I went to Madison for the Iowa/Wisconsin game. Even if the Badgers are losing 64-0, they still jump around like Larry Bird on some sort of steroid/ecstasy bender.

History: During a 1998 game against Purdue, neither team had scored in the first three quarters. Needless to say, people were getting antsy. For no rhyme or reason, the sound guy decides to play “Jump Around” by House of Pain and the entire stadium went nuts. Now, the song is played before the 4th quarter every game, and word is the press box bobs up and down from the jumping.


*all info from

top 10 things to look forward to: week 2

September 10, 2010

Having Monday off class really set the mood for this whole week: it needs to be over. It only took 23 days, but it’s finally Friday! Time to forget about class and try to make a lot of $$$ and eat some breakfast burritos at work (yum!).

Oh, and watch football. Maybe.

Well, in celebration of my always building excitement for the weekends, here is week 2’s list of things that probably only I everyone should be effing pumped about.

10. The Return of the Magic Bus!!

Although at a much less convenient location, its back, and that’s all that matters.

9. Ohio State v. Miami

I thoroughly enjoy any opportunity for Ohio State to hopefully fail.

8. Penn State v. Alabama

Crimson Tide, a rare elephant species primarily found in bayous

The first few games are supposed to be joke ones. You know, the ones that you’re guaranteed to win. Penn State is an amazing team, but they are the joke-win for Alabama. Dang.

7. Turrible Weather affecting games?

current picture of what’s brewing over Indiana

According to, some righteous thunderstorms are going to the tear up the western portion of the Midwest, affecting the games in Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio.

6. Start of the NFL


The fact that NFL games are on Sunday after college games on Saturday is genius, in my book. Every week, I watch college football games and think “How can they do that?!” These are people my age sacrificing their bodies in ways never seen by human eyes before. But then 24 hours later, the guys out there playing are aliens. Or robots. Or something not remotely human. Their talent is big enough to shut Simon Cowell up.

5. Watching drunk people fall

This is what showed up when I googled “drunk person”

One of the many perks of being a server/cocktail waitress/bartender/manager of the bar in the Pedestrian Mall.

4. Kegs n Eggs

Bars are open for breakfast, which means I get to eat some DELICIOUS FOOOOOD while I watch football. Except for my favorite thing in the world, poached eggs. Word is that poached eggs are every kitchen’s nightmare.

3. Iowa v. Iowa State

Proving once again that Iowa is, indeed, the Hawkeye State.

2. Illinois v. Southern Illinois

Cutest. Puppy. Ever.

Hahahahah just kidding.

1. The most offensive t-shirts. ever.

ughh boring.

Especially on the Iowa v. Iowa State front. I can’t even post a picture of them on a class project website.

top 10 iowa players i want by my side during a zombie apocalypse

September 7, 2010

I’ll just right to the chase: there are some gigantic, scary, oversized, straight-up Predator-in-tight-pants looking guys on that field and I am completely terrified of 100% of them. My entire body could be crushed just by accidentally looking at them in the eye. But if it were to come down to it, pair up with one of these guys are become zombie food, these are the ten guys I would want wielding machine guns and witty one-liners by my side.

10. Ryan Donahue

Everyone knows the two ways to kill a zombie: through the heart or separating its head from its body. One swift kick from Donahue would not only work better a machete (even if Billy Mays claimed it was the sharpest one in the world) but the freshly beheaded zombie would fall backwards with such force that it would behead others in a 10-yard radius.

the face of terror

9. James Vandenburg

He’s already faced the terror that is Ohio State defense in his first ever starting role. Facing zombies? Peace of cake.

8. Marvin McNutt

He’ll catch the zombie heads as quickly and as cleanly as Donahue kicks them.

7-5. Karl Klug/Broderick Binns/Christian Ballard


4. Paki O’Meara

Although not slated to do much this season, O’Meara proved to everyone in this last game that he is a force to be reckoned with. Anyone that goes from under the radar to Big Ten player of the week that quickly should catch on to zombie killing just as fast.

3. Ricky Stanzi

I’d follow Iowa’s faithful leader almost anywhere (maybe even the strange townie bar he’s in now) and a zombie revolution is one of them. Granted, it won’t be the safest, routine ride. He’ll have a lot of close calls with the undead, maybe they’ll catch a few of the grenades he throws and try to pitch ’em right back. But if you like living on the edge, this is the guy to follow.

And he'll be patriotic the whole time.

2. Josh Koeppel

Anyone that can bounce back from an accident like that must be invincible

1. Adrian Clayborn

This is a man that shows no mercy to his opponents. He incites fear in every man, woman, baby, and animal, dead or alive. When it comes down to it, I trust him more than Carl Weathers and Terry Crews combined.

And two people I would not trust:

I don’t think I need to explain.

top 10 things i’m looking forward to this football season

September 2, 2010

It’s finally here! NCAA Football starts this evening, and I am as happy as a small child playing with a small puppy. Big Ten football starts in just two days, less than 48 hours, and less than I can wait. To celebrate the increasing amounts of ants in my pants, today’s Top 10 will showcase the things I’m most looking forward to this football season.

10. Fans screaming at TV’s

For some reason, I just love when people yell at televisions like they’re people. On top of being hilarious, I think some of those people actually think yelling at an inanimate object will change the score of whatever game they happen to be watching.

9. Food stands

Giant turkey legs? Yes please. Biggest brats in Iowa? Sure, I’ll take one. Greasiest onion rings this side of the Mississippi? Sign me up.

8. Campus Brotherhood

There are over 30,000 people on campus at Iowa. And for one day, no matter how different they are, they are Hawkeye fans.

7. The t-shirts


From the clever to the offensive, people never cease being creative.

6. The Fans

Call them drunk, call them idiots, call them whatever you want. Just don’t call them undedicated.

5. Game changing plays
Especially when they come from out of nowhere and make you tingle all over.

4. Heisman

I love the idea of the Heisman. It’s every college football player’s dream, and I love anything that has to do with people’s dreams coming true.


Well duh. Tailgating is the only valid reason for anyone to be pounding Keystone Lights at 6am (that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t do that any time he pleases… he just wouldn’t have an excuse). It brings fans together to talk trash about the opposing team. It is the glue that holds everything football together.

2. Ridiculous Plays

I’m sorry, but how is blocking two field goal attempts even possible?!?!

1. Rivalries

OSU v. Michigan. Iowa v. Wisconsin. Michigan v. Michigan State. Each has decades of history, hate, respect, and drinking.