ten thoughts on iowa’s first loss

I’ll admit, I may have cried. A lot.

10. It’s all my fault.

yes it is, Kelly

I was sitting at the bar when the first two Arizona touchdowns were scored. So I switched and sat at the table, and we were okay. Then Arizona scored again, so I had to stand. While behind the bar getting some water, Iowa scored. So I stood behind the bar. Then I yelled, “Stanzi turns tricks in the second half!” and he did! Then I sat down… and Arizona scored the last touchdown. IT’S ALL MY FAULT. I should have stayed standing behind the bar. The bartender didn’t really like that idea, even though it was the bar I work at.

UPDATE: It IS my fault! http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2010/9/23/1705390/what-do-we-need-to-do-differently-for-ball-state

9. My friend/co-worker Kelsey on Marvin McNutt–


  • He must have magnets in his fingers channeling the football.
  • How do people even run that fast?
  • I once told him he looks like Otis Redding. He told me people usually tell him he looks like Stephan, Steve Urkel’s suave alter ego.
  • His butt looks good in those pants

8. The national championship

Eff Tim Tebow. Florida should be ashamed.

So, the BCS National Championship might be out of our hands, and that blows. But it’s not the end of the world. A lot of people are freaking out like this is the end of the season and there is no way we can comeback. If anything, the Hawkeyes are the king of the underdogs. For instance, last year when Stanzi was hurt and little baby Vandenburg had to start against OHIO STATE, he blew everyone’s expectations away. He’s a child prodigy. We (yes, I’m on the team) still have a chance at the Big Ten Championship, assuming that Ohio State thinks we’ll be a breeze to beat and shows up stoned. Just kiddingggg.

7. Offensive Line

ouch.

There is no reason for FOUR SACKS IN A ROW to happen. Not at all. Arizona is 3rd in overall defense, while the Hawks are 9th. Iowa State and Eastern Illinois are probably ranks 154th and 936th in defense and weren’t a good test of what the Hawkeye O-Line can actually do. Hopefully, they learned a little something from this past game and can improve upon it before the Ball State game this weekend.

6. Second Half Magic

Iowa Magic Juice. Makes mysterious things happen.

Magic is about the only way you could describe what happens in the second half. Either Ferentz sprinkles pixie dust on the players during half time or Redbull really does give people wings but whatever it is, it works. There hasn’t been much of a chance to see it this season yet, but we got just a taste of it during the last game when Iowa went into the second half trailing 27-7 and tied it up. Until I jinxed it by sitting down at a booth. By golly if I have to stand up for every game, I’ll do it.

5. Special Teams


Blocked punt for one touchdown. Giving up a kick-off return for another. A blocked crucial extra-point kick. And that’s not what Iowa did to Arizona, but its what you’d expect to happen. Iowa’s special teams was severely unprepared and just “off” that night. They need to be better than that, but they already know that. Unacceptable.

4. Kelsey’s thoughts on Adrian Clayborn

clayborn smash.

  • He’s like a giant tree I want to climb.
  • How many people do you think he could have sex with at once?
  • 12. Probably 12.
  • If he doesn’t win the Heisman I’m going to shoot myself.
  • His butt looks good in those pants.

3. Jewel Hampton

NOOOO NOT AGAIN

2. “West Coast Curse”


There is no such thing. I don’t think the Pacific Time Zone curses everything Iowa does. It wasn’t the 9:30pm CST start time, because the team has been practicing at 10pm for the past week. If anything, it was the 95-100 degree weather. That is not football weather. 45-50 degrees is football weather. Midwesterners do not thrive in dry heat.

1. Can we get past this?

It's no coincidence Wu-Tang's colors were black and gold.

Hell yes. Kirk Ferentz ain’t nothing to f*** with.

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