ten thoughts on the new big ten divisions

First, a bit of background knowledge for those who have been too busy having a life all summer:

This past year, it was decided that Nebraska would leave the Big 12 and join the Big Ten, bringing the team count up to twelve. Naturally, the Big Ten needed to divide up the teams. Well, there they are:

Division 1: Michigan, Michigan State, Northwestern, Iowa, Nebraska, Minnesota

Division 2: Ohio State, Penn State, Wisconsin, Purdue, Indiana, Illinois

Andddd here are some thoughts:

1. Why was adding another team even necessary to begin with? I was perfectly content with the ten eleven teams (sorry, I always forget about Purdue) that we had and the established rivalries. But in today’s world, nothing is ever about the love the game anymore; everyone wants to establish a brand (I’m looking at you, LeBron). The Big Ten wanted to expand their market, therefore attracting more fans and making more $$$$$$$$$. How selfish!

2. I’ve always been a bit scared of the state of Nebraska. To me, its a state that you don’t go to, you just kind of drive through. But I guess thats how some people view Iowa as well. Anyway, Nebraska has a certain eery vibe that I don’t like, like the state could breed serial killers. Does anyone else feel that way? No? Fine.

3. Drawing a line would have been the simplest, fairest way to split the conference. I bet they spent weeks analyzing the best way to split up rivalries when really drawing a line would have been more effective. Big Ten East: Penn State, Ohio State, Purdue, Indiana, Michigan, Michigan State. Bam! Big Ten West: Illinois, Northwestern, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska. Done and settled.

4. I don’t agree with the splitting of the rivalries.
Ohio State and Michigan? Nope.
Iowa and Wisconsin? Nope.
Illinois and Northwestern? Nope.
Minnesota and Wisconsin? Nope.
But hey, at least Purdue and Indiana is safe!!!
(PS: all of those would have been peachy if an East/West division was used instead)

5. Okay, so most of those rivalries will meet due to the protected cross over each season. But really? Iowa and Purdue are protected and not Wisconsin or Penn State? Raspberries (I’ll use the names of fruit instead of curse words sporadically).  Also, I bet they put current football rankings into consideration when they split up the teams. I mean, I’m sure Ohio State will be amazing forever, but how sure can you be about every single team?

6. What am I going to do with my “Wisconsin girls have cottage cheese thighs” shirt? After the year, by the next time they meet I probably will have cottage cheese thighs. And then I’ll be a hypocrite.

7. The Big Ten is attempting to make a bitter rivalry between Nebraska and Iowa, as if it will make up for Iowa losing Wisconsin. But what if Iowa doesn’t want to leave Wisconsin and becomes emotional? And Nebraska is there as Iowa’s shoulder to cry on? They’ll become close friends (a bromance, if you will) and won’t want to be rivals anymore. Instead, they’ll drink Cosmopolitans, eat dark chocolate, and reminisce on the old days.

8. If I could someone convince Barack Obama to make a public statement asking them to change the Big Ten divisions, do you think they would listen? What about Brett Favre? Betty White? Anybody?

9. What do Penn State, Iowa, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois, and Michigan State all have in common? Why, there are all listed in the top 20 party schools by the Princeton Review. Does Nebraska have what it takes to keep up? I sure hope so.

10. Most of this actually doesn’t matter because I’m graduating this year. After that, I’ll just be the creepy old woman who can’t let go of her “glory years” and shows people her craziest party pics on Facebook while cuddling with her cat.

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